Solely by virtue of not employing Corey Perry or Dustin Brown, the San Jose Sharks are my favorite California team. However, after an overtime loss to the Anaheim Ducks and a regulation loss to the Los Angeles Kings in the past week, and in the interest of universal balance and a .500 points percentage, the Stars are due a win tonight against the Sharks.
So we found a Sharks blogger to talk to us about the likelihood of that, among other things. We, in this case we being Obscene Alex and I, sat down for a virtual chat with Stace of Battle of California fame. Surprisingly, the interview went rather well. I mean, at least we’re not the Minnesota Wild.
Our questions, her answers:
1) After years of playoff failures, there was a lot of talk about a rebuild in San Jose. What happened?
The definition of a rebuild is actually quite unclear in San Jose. No one knows what the heck a rebuild actually is, given the events of the offseason and this season thus far. If you know anyone who is available to actually explain it to me and perhaps Doug Wilson, let me know. Right now it looks like they want to try and make the playoffs but two weeks ago it looked like they were tanking. Nothing makes sense which means all is normal in San Jose.
2) With the Sharks stripping Thornton of the captaincy, who is the next in line to lead this currently rudderless ship? Or alternately, do you think management is content with rudderlessness?
I’m one of those people who doesn’t care at all about the captaincy. I honestly don’t think it matters. Look at Los Angeles, they don’t have a captain and they’ve won two cups in three years. Maybe this is a recipe for success. If I had to pick a captain though, it would be Vlasic. I’m hoping that management sees that there are more problems than ‘leadership’ and addresses the other thirty things wrong with this team before they decide who gets a ‘C’ on their sweater.
3) Speaking of Joe Thornton, do you think we’ll ever see his rooster?
Oh man, it certainly seems like it’s a possibility! He is shooting considerably more than he has in previous seasons. At this point though, I think we are more likely to see Brent Burns score four and get completely naked, he’s been a beast as of late. Imagine both happening in the same game! Maybe the All-Star game? At the same time, I would not want either of them to get arrested and see Hannan and Scott get more ice time. Decisions. Decisions.
4) And on the subject of rooster tricks, Tomas Hertl scored as many goals in one infamous game last season as he’s scored points through 13 games this season. Can we go ahead and call it a sophomore slump? Or will he turn it around?
The kid has honestly been going to Dave and Busters way too much. All those sodas are causing him to crash the next day! Honestly though, Hertl will be fine. I can’t imagine another four goal game happening, but he’s a special player and those don’t come around too often. I’m excited to watch his career progress. I think putting Burns at defense and breaking up the Tom, Dick and Hairy (hertl-thornton-burns) line was a huge mistake and hopefully the Sharks will acquire someone to fill the gaping hole at defense so Burns can move back to forward. If all else fails, have Hertl do another conditioning stint at the nursing home.
5) Are offseason additions John Scott, Scott Hannan, and Mike Brown going to bring postseason success to San Jose? You have to admit, the Sharks #grit numbers are pretty impressive these days.
Scott Hannan is gritty? This is news to me. I could have sworn he was just old and terrible. John Scott has barely played any games to my surprise. I don’t really think he will last through the season with San Jose. He’s a waste of money and time. This means that San Jose will probably give him a contract extension the day after they get eliminated from the first round. Mike Brown is a playoff goal scorer–He is the hero we need.
6) When will Tommy Wingels grow up and adopt an adult name?
Never. Tommy Wingels has been the best player on this team as of late and if you want to say mean things about him then you should come to California so I can kick your ass. He’s the WIND BENEATH MY WINGELS!
7) In the offseason, there was talk about Niemi yielding the way to Stalock. Do you think that will happen this season?
Yes, I can definitely see this happening but like I said before, the Sharks need to solve the defensive problems before they address anything. I would rather have both of them ride out the season if that means that the Sharks could acquire a good defenseman in the offseason. They finally have the cap space to do stuff and haven’t done much of anything, it’s extremely frustrating.
8) Is Marc-Edouard Vlasic heir to a pickle dynasty?
This is the worst question ever. Maybe.
9) Brent Burns currently leads the Sharks in points, as a defenseman, which really makes one wonder… How though will losing his Chewbacca image impact his play?
You know how swimmers shave their entire bodies because it causes them to be more aerodynamic? I assume this will make Brent Burns to be the fastest skater to ever play the game.
10) And lastly, predictions time. Final score, which Shark will fight Antoine Roussel, and at what time will Tyler Seguin score his 4th goal of the game?
It will probably be Andrew Desjardins, because Scott will most likely be scratched and Brown will be in the penalty box. Tyler Seguin is on my fantasy team, which means he will score no goals and do nothing to help me (seriously though, I’m getting slaughtered this week).