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The Dallas Stars as Game of Thrones Characters

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The North Stars Remember...

Dallas Stars v St Louis Blues - Game Seven Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

With the series finale of Game of Thrones set to air this evening, it is almost impossible to get away from all the coverage around the event. Will Danaerys or Jon Snow end up on the Iron Throne? Will Ned Stark make a shocking return from the grave? Will Westeros still be intact when the credits roll? Who knows!

What we do know is that there are not enough articles comparing hockey players to Game of Thrones characters. Let’s dive into who the Dallas Stars players would be in Westeros.

Jamie Benn — The Night King

He rarely says a word outside his own ranks, unless he’s riling up the opposition (hi St. Louis). He’s big, he’s mad, and he bulldozes everything in his path when he’s got the puck. Thank goodness our pick for Arya plays on his team and not the opposition.

Jason Dickinson — Joffrey Baratheon

Dickinson’s young and draws penalties like it’s a gift from above. He’s okay with taking pucks and sticks and fists to the face because it means he’s getting under someone’s skin and it will eventually pay off for the Stars. He’s not playing penalty checkers, he’s playing man-advantage 3D chess. As much as everyone loved to hate Joffrey, he was pure entertainment and always had something up his sleeve, much like Dickinson when he’s agitating.

Roope Hintz — Arya Stark

He’s quiet, he’s fast, and he’s absolutely terrifying to defend against when he has the puck. His moves are slick and precise, and his youth belies his hockey IQ. Hintz definitely qualifies as No One, Killer of the Night King. Just ask the Nashville Predators.

Alexander Radulov — Daenerys Targaryen

While he doesn’t talk all that often, fans know there’s a lot going on behind that scarily intense expression of Radulov’s. Sometimes, all it takes is one raised eyebrow on the bench for everyone to talk about him, just like Daenerys ruminating on her throne. And when Radulov gets a breakaway for the net, people tend to dive out of his way, much like Daenerys uttering “Dracarys” to one of her dragons.

Tyler Seguin — Tyrion Lannister

Seguin’s always been known for his quick thinking on the ice and ability to read a play before it happens. There’s no question that he would be The Hand in Westeros, manipulating plays behind closed doors and surprising everyone with his skills after lulling the opposition into a false sense of security.

Mats Zuccarello — Jon Snow

Did we choose this matchup based on similar hairstyles? Maybe. Much like Jon Snow, Zuccarello came into the team knowing nothing, but learned very, very quickly about his new compatriots. That month on the IR works as a nice little parallel to when Snow was killed. However, like Snow, Zuccarello came roaring back to life just in time for the big battle (the playoffs).

Zuccarello staring down the Nashville Predators, probably:

Miro Heiskanen — Sansa Stark

Heiskanen is the young, bright hope for the future. His skates are sharp, his mind fast, and his levelheadedness unmatched. Just like Sansa, those that are loyal to him would do anything to protect him and help him reach his goal (the net, a lot). Sansa is always trying to protect the interests of her family and be one step ahead of the enemy, much like a speedy defender with a penchant for scoring. No matter how things ends in Westeros (or the Central Division), this is definitely one to keep your eye on, both if you can spare them.

John Klingberg — Bran Stark

Just like Bran Stark, Klingberg controls a lot of the play while lurking just out of sight. He also knows when to slide into the action, whether it’s making the primary assist or the series-winning goal in overtime against Nashville. Honestly, Klingberg being the Three-Eyed Raven about hockey wouldn’t surprise us in the least.

Roman Polak — Khal Drogo

Everyone not in a Dallas Stars jersey fears Polak for his hard hits along the boards. He’s a large, terrifying force of nature. Despite that, he is fiercely protective of his linemates and those in his warrior-centric family. Never underestimate this man when his team is on the line.

Ben Bishop — Cersei Lannister

Bishop’s actions speak louder than his words; they have to when defending King’s Landing (the net, obviously). After his record-setting streak in March, the opposition know not to underestimate him. However, it’s hard for them to predict what he’ll do, much like anyone watching Cersei in the Red Keep.

Bishop to every puck ever:

Anton Khudobin — Jamie Lannister

Always up for a good time, has a charming smile, and delights in defying the odds and his enemies’ plans. Frightening when defending his territory. Impossible to forget. Now, are we describing Anton Khudobin or Ser Jamie Lannister? Both? Both is good.

Based on the above matchups, do the Stars still have a starting lineup ahead of the series finale tonight? Which Star would most likely take the Iron Throne in hockey’s version of Westeros?