At this time of year, you might be invited to an Ugly Sweater party as part of holiday festivities. NHL teams could throw one of their own given the atrocities we’ve been subject to over the years.
Like this candy cane-striped Montreal Canadiens jersey that will make you think you’re being put into a hypnotic trance if you stare at it too long:
Or nearly every jersey the Nashville Predators have had, but especially this puke-colored sweater featuring a nightmare-fueled cartoon cat:
But literally nothing could be worse than the Dallas Stars entry to the party: the Mooterus. That’s because it features what was supposed to be a bull design that pulls in Stars, but ended up looking exactly like a woman’s reproductive system instead. Seriously, the similarities are too uncanny:
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. It makes me wonder if there was ever a woman involved in the design of this jersey. Because I’m fairly confident most women would have spoken up and asked the question of whether that’s the association you want to invoke when you decided on this.
Though this is arguably the worst jersey design in Stars history, and it thankfully only lasted from 2003 to 2006 as an alternate jersey so you didn’t have to see it every single time you were trying to watch hockey in Big D, it’s garnered a bit of a cult following in Dallas. It’s become the fruit cake your crazy Aunt Margie makes during the holidays that everyone says they won’t eat again but does because it’s tradition.
So with all due respect to all of our SB Nation brothers and sisters, the Mooterus sits atop the worst jerseys in NHL history. It’s kind of a lock when the design hearkens back to sexual organs. (Good thing for the Columbus Blue Jackets phallic mascots aren’t qualified to enter the discussion, or it might be a very close race.)