10 Thoughts on the First 10

Every year, I forget what happened several games prior. Tonight, I started to look back and went down a time-killing rabbit hole to remind myself. I am better with pictures when it comes to memory so I cataloged the first 10 Stars games as such for myself.

I have no idea what happened in the Sharks game yet. However, since RT has been so kind as to let me use his kitchen (up to this point at least), I’m gonna dump this here without looking at anything, watch the game and come back to read the Afterwords and comments that are well above my pay grade.

STAR GAMES 1-10 (2018-19 Season)

1. Arizona at Dallas W 0-3

Here’s Ben Bishop’s reaction to the Coyotes’ shots while earning a shutout in the season opener.AstonishingEsteemedCockroach-size_restricted.0.gif



2. Winnipeg at Dallas W 1-5

After a pointless loss to the Stars who rarely hold him below multiple points per game, a reporter asked if he would prefer the Jets stay in Dallas overnight or immediately fly out for the next game of their road trip. A dejected Patrik Laine’s response was pretty clear:




3. Dallas at Toronto L 4-7

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… (It was barely a month ago but where’s the drama in that?)

It is a time of great turmoil. The Narcissistic Empire won a bidding war against the resistance to obtain the rights of a much sought after freelancer who opted to return to his birthplace in the bosom of the dark side. Pictures of a young master Tavares in his blue jammies would melt the hearts of any fan-base. Surprisingly, this somehow even proved to be the case for the jerk Leafs fans even though they have neither hearts nor souls. The new leader of the Empire of the North is not even as dominant as his young apprentice who goes by Matthews and hails from Tatooine (since renamed Arizona). Together, with their young Padawan learner known as Marner, the dark side of the force had too much fire power for our Stars heroes. And, alas, the resistance fighters did not even attempt to deliver a series of well-placed face punches in an attempt to wipe the permanent weasel-smile off of Nazem Kadri’s detestable face.

Security is tight at the Scotiabank Death Star Centre where the Leafs play their home games. However, we were able to obtain the clip below taken through a ventilation shaft and taped the day after the Tavares signing, July 1, 2018, a day now known in Toronto as The Rapture. Here, we see Leafs fans (aka jerks) performing a mid-summer rehearsal for the 2018-2019 Stanley Cup winner’s parade:


Dah Dah Dah, Dun-Da-DUN, Dun-Da-DUN!


4. Dallas at Anaheim W 5-3

The player whose name rhymes with Koari Paree didn’t play so that means Jamie Benn didn’t have the opportunity to again attempt a reorganization of douchebag’s dental work. However, the game wasn’t entirely disappointing. The first period was meh, at best, and the third period was a completely unnecessary display of turtling by the Stars against an outmatched team. However, below is an ice level view from the offensive blue line during the second period when the Stars put, a record-setting number, 30 shots on the Ducks net:


{Condolences to goaltender John Gibson’s tattered carcass after his team deserted him. Hey, psst, Gibby. It’s not gonna get any better real soon, buddy.}


5. Dallas at Ottawa L 1-4

The Stars went up 1-0 in the first period on a pistol from John Klingberg (nice, and why I allow him to be affiliated with my handle). But after that, there was no more joy in Mudville. I can only surmise a name-change to ‘Mudville’ must be on the ballot for the city that is currently home to the Senators. A similar proposition is probably in the works for the city the team will play in next year.

With less than thirty seconds left in the second, the Senators scored a goal to tie it. Up to that point, the Stars had dominated but couldn’t put it past a Sens goalie who robbed them all night. As soon as Ottawa (for now) Senators scored that late second period goal, we remembered how often this same thing happened last season and realized a win was likely an impossibility. Regardless, with eternal optimism, we still watched the third period in silence hoping we could get the lost points back like they were our forsaken children:




6. Dallas at New Jersey L 0-3

Halfway through, the Devil’s third goal was the nail in the coffin of this game when Klingberg made a terrible decision (affiliation revoked) to make a pass which was intercepted and driven past an apoplectic and stick-less Anton Khudobin. Apparently, no Stars player even considered giving the Russian goaltender their stick or icing the puck. If you watched the game, you’ll recognize this clip of Anton trying to send a subtle signal to the Stars’ bench that he might need a goal stick:


"Придерживаться! HEY, придерживаться! You dumbasses!! For Блядь’s sake!!!".


7. Minnesota at Dallas L 3-1

The first period was downright icky as the Stars showed much of the same desire they showed for the last half of the Devils game, which is to say, none. The Stars outplayed the Wild by a huge margin in the second period and puck luck was just not on the side of Victory Green as they scored zero goals on 24 shots. The third was pure Starsing. They scored the first goal of the game seconds in and then went full-frontal turtle with a 1-0 lead on their way to a predictable 3-1 loss. Maybe they scored the first one and stopped trying knowing it unlikely they would score again since this is how the Wild’s goaltender played in the second:.


{Thankfully, Devan Dubnyk’s mouth is closed in this gif so we don’t have to hear him whine about goaltender interference.}


8. Los Angeles at Dallas W 2-4.

The Stars went up 4-2 against, objectively, one of the worst and slowest teams in the league with 15 minutes left in the game. Then Dallas put the foot on the gas and pummeled the Kings for the rest of the third period. Just kidding. They were outshot 12-0 the rest of the way. During the in-game clip below, look to see if you can pinpoint exactly when the Stars scored and when play heavily tilted towards the Kings for the remainder of the game:.


{I can’t imagine this being a strategy that could backfire at any point in time.}


9. Anaheim at Dallas W 2-5

This game was the Valhalla of the season up to this point as the Stars played for almost 60 full minutes, didn’t stop being aggressive even when the game was tight early on, and continued to play up-tempo throughout. Jason Spezza had a brilliant game. Roman "Thank god the team played well to hide my flaws" Polak was largely ignored. Miro Heiskanen (he’s a new guy, you’ll hear about him) scored his first ever goal on a stylish one-timer. And even the HOF coach/consultant, who happens to own a crime palace on Auston Matthews’ home planet of Tatooine, was pleased because even his bat-shit strategies seemed to work during this game. Here are his post-game thoughts:.


"Who needs continuity or consistency? This is about process. Keep shuffling those lines and playing pylons up and down the lineup, Monty, my boy."


10. Dallas at Detroit L 2-4

The first game of a big Stars road trip was against a team that was, not objectively but, actually the worst team in the league. What could go wrong? Let’s just get the win against this bad team on the longest and maybe the most important road trip of the year and start some momentum off the hop. The Stars can have a great start to the road-trip as long as the team plays a cohesive game where the players are all on the exact same page and come hard out of the blocks.


{Or not...whatever.}


With new coaches, a new system, new culture and a hopeful movement towards youth and speed there was a real possibility that we would start much worse than 5W 5L over the first ten. So let’s take it and run for now. However, if anybody says they had any clue whatsoever about getting to 5-5 in such a wacky fashion, while not knowing which team or system was going to show up, or claims they could have foretold the highs and lows thus far, my grandmother has a word for you. Shenanigans. And, one thing is certain from watching the Stars’ own shenanigans over the first tenth of the schedule. It’s going to be tough for many fans to abide such tomfoolery for 72 more games. Hmmm. Grandmas!

EPILOGUE: I ended up watching the game before coming to post this comment but don’t feel like editing the first part of it.

Dear John K,

I was just playing with the name affiliation thing. We can be bros again if you promise to come back fast from your somewhere-above-of-the-beltline injury. ~ Kling

Here is what Monty should have said to the captain upon witnessing him dish the puck off while in the middle of the slot, with more than a minute left, and the Sharks' net empty:



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