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The St. Louis Blues: A Super Serious Scouting Report

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The google machine is a wonder.

Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

This post has been edited to add a hilarious gif that was sent to me via twitter.

So friends, in our next round we have the pleasure of facing off against a true titan of the first round of any playoffs, the St. Louis Blues. I'd throw more shade at them for not making it out for the first round in a while if we'd even made it to the playoffs more often. Still! There's more than enough cause for amusement at the Blues, as I'm about to demonstrate.

1. That poor linesman

Source

I mean, how's a linesman gonna call you on anything while he's on his butt, eh? As strategies go, it's kind of brilliant, as long as you don't actually, like, hurt said linesman. And probably best to make it look like an accident.

2. That was easy

Dallas Stars hero and scholar Marty Turco proved for the world how easy it was to trip up the Blues here when he opened the door on Roman Polak during a stoppage in play.

3. They'll trip you up

They've been known, in the past, to place obstacles in the path of unsuspecting opponents.

4. Ichabod Crane

I can't tell what the best part of this is: that Roman Polak (who apparently had an illustrious career as a Blue) literally lost his head, or that the poor ref looks so damn horrified about it. I mean, just look at this face:

I've decided, it's definitely his face.

5. Provoking behavior

I know, I know. This is really about the Blackhawks. But we ALMOST faced them? Did you see how close that was? But, more importantly, it was the ref's failure to call a delay of game penalty on the Blues to give the Hawks a two man advantage that caused this level of outrage on Coach Q's part.

6. Yo, Ice is slippery

Exercise caution in the light of this new found knowledge.

7. It's a lot to take in

I know.

8. You'll figure it out

Maybe.

Honestly though, what I love about this is that not only does everyone forget how to hockey at exactly the same time, whoever this is that runs into the camera looks like he also got shot at exactly the same time. It's just amazing.

So there you have it, the skinny on the Blues. What's your favorite Blues moment to laugh about?

Edited to add: a gif from twitter contributor @DarianMcB

9. Good things there's no shootouts in the playoffs eh

I mean, ice is slippery all the time, and I guess there's still a chance someone gets a penalty shot. But c'mon man. You did that in front of god and everyone.