The Best of Defending Big D: 2013-2014


It is time to reveal the best of Defending Big D for the 2013-2014 season.

First off, thanks to those of you who participated. There weren't as many submissions as I honestly would have hoped there would be, but that's okay. It's finals season. People have work. I was prepared for all of this.

Some of these results were voted by you, the people. Others were picked by me. Does that make this rigged? Of course not.

Best Derailed Thread was eliminated from contention.

Alright, let's get down to business.

Best Front Page Article

Honorable Mention: Taylor Baird's article "Dallas Stars Announce Contract Extensions For Broadcasting Duo Ralph Strangis and Daryl Reaugh." There is no such thing as a Platinum Tuba/Medal, unless you're Evgeni Plushenko. That's what this article would get, though. Ralph and Razor have been the voices of Dallas Stars hockey for almost as long as the team has been in Dallas. The duo is among the best in the NHL. Learning we will have more Ralph and Razor for the foreseeable future was fantastic.

In third place, the winner of the Bronze Tuba, suitable for framing, congratulations to Brad Gardner for writing "Boston Bruins Trade Tyler Seguin, Rich Peverley to Dallas Stars for Loui Eriksson, Matt Fraser, Reilly Smith and Joe Morrow." Brad had to drop whatever plans he had for Fourth of July last year because the Stars decided to set off their own kind of fireworks that day. Tyler Seguin ended up being pretty awesome, and we hope Rich Peverley fully recovers.

In second place, the Silver Tuba goes to Brad again for writing "Dallas Stars Clinch Second Wild-Card Berth with Win Over St. Louis Blues." This was a headline everybody wanted to see for five years, and it finally happened on April 11, 2014. There was much rejoicing.

And in first place, the Golden Tuba (it's really brass, but whatever), goes to Josh Lile for his article, "Dallas Stars Making No Friends With Anaheim Ducks, and Nobody Cares." This is the funniest article any writer has ever written for the blog, and if you have not read it by now, stop reading this fanpost and read that article. You'll thank me later.

Best Fanpost

The winner of the Bronze Tuba is ZWal93 for "The Nichushkin Project; 1st Edition." In his words, "this is what happens when my study materials for my Astronomy mid-term mentions Chelyabinsk." For understanding your priorities, we salute you.

The Silver Tuba goes to philbert53 for "Some tips for new posters." This is DBD's unofficial User's Guide. If you haven't read it, and you're new, this is required reading.

The Golden Tuba goes to Great British Stars Fan for "How to Love the San Jose Sharks/Megalodon." This was a fantastic roast of the San Jose Sharks. Ideally, it would have been the first and only response to Megalodon's post on St. Louis Game Time last August that set off quite the firestorm here and in SLGT.

Best Memes/Running Jokes

Honorable Mentions: Bored Kari, U Mad Bro Seguin, Brad's #selfie, and #DrunkTuba.

The Bronze Tuba goes to Seductive Colton Sceviour. Any time anybody makes a funny face, it's fair game for memes. Sceviour is no exception. IMPORTANT UPDATE: I FOUND THE MEME TEMPLATE.

The Silver Tuba goes to #BlameTuba. Brandon had to leave before the season started, and then people here decided to blame me when things went wrong. Stars lost the game? #BlameTuba. You all can thank Virginian Star for getting that joke off the ground.

The Golden Tuba goes to Rally Phil and Amanda Kessel. It's amazing what happens when bored DBDers can't wait for the puck to drop for a Stars-Maple Leafs game. What started as 30 minutes of pure, unadulterated boredom became a pregame ritual that lasted for several months.

Best Horrible Photoshop

Honorable Mention: Antoine Roussel and Ryan Garbutt are Dumb and Dumber, Kari sits down on a fence.

The Bronze Tuba goes to me for this godawful photoshop of Cody Eakin in a monkey suit. But hey, Erin really really really really wanted a photoshop of Cody Eakin in a monkey suit for her birthday, so I obliged.

The Silver Tuba goes to ZWal93 for his Jamie Benn Hulk photoshop. The Dallas Stars certainly enjoyed it.

And finally, the Golden Tuba winner for Best Horrible Photoshop is Great British Stars Fan for his March of the Bennguins creation. They're so cute.

Best Awesome Photoshop

Honorable Mention: Cloudy with a Chance of Tacos. I have no idea who made this. I found it on Reddit.

I win the Bronze Tuba with this #Retiring9 Graphic.

The Silver Tuba goes to Loungepapa for his version of Jamie Benn: The Hulk.

The winner of the Golden Tuba is montekristoo99 for this dark Silence of the Ducks masterpiece. Holy hell it is creepy.

Best In-Game GIFs

Everybody loves GIFs so much, I'm creating two different categories.

Honorable Mentions: Super Pumped Stars Fan, Erik Cole's Epic Slow-Mo Celebration, You Can't Do That, Jamie Benn scoops up hats for Tyler Seguin, Jamie Benn Cuts Through Carolina's Defense Like Poop Through a Diarrhea-Infected Goose.

Bronze Tuba: One of mine, this couple's simultaneous reactions to Valeri Nichushkin's goal vs. the Flyers. If you missed the game, this GIF summarizes it perfectly.

Silver Tuba: Another one of mine, the bench reaction to Vernon Fiddler's penalty shot goal vs. Boston. There is so much going on in this GIF it's beautiful.

The Golden Tuba goes to Pat Iversen for capturing Ryan Kesler in a moment of despair. Do you think Kesler wants out of Vancouver? (Get on it, Jim Nill.)

I know I missed a ton. You all can complain in the comments.

Best Graphic GIFs

This is a category I made to show off what I can make in After Effects. No ragrets.

Honorable Mentions: Pat Iversen GIF-ing an epic Razor video.

Bronze Tuba: Ron Paul is Happy We Scored.

Silver Tuba: Antoine Roussel Shoots the Ducks.

Golden Tuba: Spinning 3D GOAL with Explosions.

I had to give myself at least one Golden Tuba.

And now, the category you have all been waiting for.

Best Comment

Honorable Mention: ZWal93 proves he has graduated from Trolling University.

The Bronze Tuba goes to me for making up a new word. Clearly, the best ideas always involve alcohol.

The Silver Tuba goes to gdemander for pointing out that the Stars made the playoffs the year Brandon stepped down from Managing Editor. Yes, it's not the first time Brandon's done this, but for the narrative's purpose, this is why the Stars made the playoffs.

And finally, the Golden Tuba for Best Comment of the year goes to...Pat Iversen! Congratulations, Pat. Your LOST screenplay was the best thing anybody wrote this year.

Total Tuba Count

Let's see who got the most Tubas.

  • Golden Tubas: Great British Stars Fan (2), Pat Iversen (2), montekristoo99, DFWTrojanTuba, Josh Lile
  • Silver Tubas: DFWTrojanTuba (2) Brad Gardner, philbert53, ZWal93, Loungepapa, gdemander
  • Bronze Tubas: DFWTrojanTuba (5), Brad Gardner, ZWal93

Congratulations to Great British Stars Fan and Pat Iversen for earning the most Golden Tubas.

That wraps up this year's edition of The Best of Defending Big D. If something you thought was worthy of "Best Of" honors wasn't mentioned, you all know what to do.


Have a great summer, Defending Big D.

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