Fox Sports Southwest Girls Show a Predictable Travesty

Ronald Martinez

But just how bad was it?

We took an impromptu trip to Galveston Saturday night after the Stars hung on to dear life against the Sharks for roughly 50 minutes. When you go to Galveston at night in April you barely notice how dirty the water really is, and you miss out on both peak season trash and seaweed polluting the beaches. The lack of tourists at midnight on a Saturday in April allows you to appreciate things which you otherwise wouldn't be able to appreciate.

As we walked along the seawall in the peaceful night I had time to stop and think about Galveston and the seawall in particular. I've taken it for granted every time I go to Galveston, but this time it struck me what a sensible solution the seawall is to a difficult problem. In 1900 Galveston was one of the biggest ports in the nation with a population of 37,000. Then, the Hurricane of 1900 killed 8,000-12,000 of those people while destroying most buildings on the island. The idea of building a seawall, a massive undertaking, therefore makes plenty of sense.

When I got home, I sat down to watch Girls On The Go. This program came on Fox Sports Southwest at 11:30 on Saturday night, and it featured the Fox Sports Southwest Girls on a road trip with the Dallas Stars. The parallels between the completely logical seawall in Galveston, and the illogical show I spent 25 minutes watching stuck in my brain.

The show itself followed some form of logic. It followed the Girls on a road trip with stops in Denver and Los Angeles. It traced their steps through the whole road trip, with a reference or two to the actual hockey team they are supposedly paid to "cover". I guess that makes sense. The title didn't really mislead me. I assumed the show would be bad, but I also assumed it would have more of a focus on hockey.

Oops. That's my own fault for assuming more than I should have assumed.

The show started with a bang. Kaime and Liddy collaborated to ask the audience a doozy of a question.

"Would you believe it if I told you (cue the Morpheus meme) that it only took 72 hours to go from Dallas to Denver to Los Angeles and back to Dallas?"

Do I believe that these two were able to complete six hours of air travel by private jet and see two hockey games over the course of 72 hours? Was this question really posed to me? The show went on like this for 30 minutes, but mercifully my DVR cut out with five minutes to go so I didn't get to see them shopping.

Yes, the show highlighted the fact that Kaime and Liddy went shopping at a Chanel store in Beverly Hills.

The parts which actually had to do with hockey meandered and made little sense of their own. Early in the show the Girls had members of the Stars PR team discussing logistics and the intricacies of how players get their sticks ready for a game/road trip. Wouldn't it make more sense to talk to the players about how they prepare their sticks? I have no doubts that the PR team has a wealth of knowledge on the topic, but why not go to the source if you have such inside access that "the other guys don't", as their promos remind us consistently.

The Girls also interviewed three people specifically about hockey and their involvement with the sport. They interviewed Ralph Strangis, Daryl Reaugh, and Brenden Dillon. Fine choices, but they managed to ask all three virtually identical questions. Each interview began with a question about their childhood, a question about what drew them to hockey, and finally some question about where they are now. I cringed by the time they got to Dillon.

A good portion of the rest of the show revolved around the Girls asking fans what questions they would ask the Stars players given an opportunity to speak to them. Most of these questions went unanswered, but they did answer how seating is assigned on the flight. The best part of the segment was this gem as they went to commercial: "A day in the life of a fan can be interesting, but how about an NHL player?" This statement is either profoundly stupid or fiendishly clever for making viewers think over and over about what it actually means.

The two highlights of the show were unquestionable for me.

First was when Liddy joined Kaime in Los Angeles. As she walked out of the terminal the video went into slow motion with some weird production music dropped in that you might normally find in a cheap daytime novella when a suspicious love interest shows up right on time to cause problems.

The second was when the Girls met up with their Fox Sports West counterparts. They made a point of it to meet up in front of Staples, all four in jerseys of their respective teams. I'm not sure what came of the meeting. I passed out around this time.

The seawall I understand. It was built to keep a catastrophe from happening again. The hurricane from 1915 was almost as strong as the one in 1900, and certainly would have brought considerable harm to Galveston if not for the seawall.

What is the logic in putting the Fox Sports Southwest Girls on TV with a 30 minute show? Who is the audience? Is it women? Is it hockey fans? What group of people would have interest in watching 30 minutes of this?

It can't be women. Kaime and Liddy are cartoons. Fox Sports Southwest employs a number of capable women as on air personalities. Dana Larson, Emily Jones, and Julie Dobbs all do respectable work. The recently hired Ali Lucia does good knowledgeable work for the Stars on TV and radio. What do they think when they see Kaime and Liddy with a TV show promoting their shopping exploits at Chanel in Beverly Hills?

The entire premise is insulting to female hockey fans. Someone at Fox Sports Southwest had the foresight to not let Marty Turco back on the concourse to embarrass unsuspecting casual female hockey fans with questions they (and most casual fans of both sexes) obviously couldn't answer. That same foresight should be applied here.

I can't imagine this is aimed at generic hockey fans either. The show had virtually nothing to do with hockey, and the little which did discuss hockey was so shallow as to be insulting to anyone who has watched more than two hockey games in their life time.

The only other possibility that comes to mind is that maybe this has been forced on Fox Sports Southwest, and the reason it debuted at 11:30 on a Saturday is that they know that no one in their right mind has any interest in watching Kaime and Liddy do their thing for 30 minutes.

Much like the 1915 hurricane that showed up looking to destroy Galveston, this show will apparently be back. The Girls referenced the fact that this was episode one of Girls On the Go. Unfortunately, the population has little shelter from Hurricane FSSWGirls. Obviously you don't have to watch it, but someone is going to watch it.

Someone is going to waste 30 minutes hoping to see something of substance. Someone is going to reflect on the 30 minutes they spend watching the next episode (presumably from a Texas Rangers road trip) and think "what the hell just happened, and what am I doing with my life if I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than spend it listening to the craziness that is Girls On The Go?"


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